Journey thru a strange mind

Why?

2011-11-02T02:32:00.000+05:30

It has been a really, really busy and sleepless week. But these are a few questions that ran through my mind during that little bit of free time that I had. Personally, I am behind the existing scheme of things in a few cases, but there is no harm in raising questions. So....

When liquor and cigarettes are deemed safe enough for consumption, why are drugs banned?
When the state has the right to take a person's life (death sentence), why doesn't a person have the right to take his own life?
If politicians and government officials are public servants, why do they behave like our masters?
If desire is the root of all evil, isn't the feeling to have no desire a desire in itself? (A nice question asked by one of my English teachers back in school :) )
If it is illegal to discriminate on the basis of color, creed or sex, why aren't fairness creams (the advertisements of which openly tout that being fairer is better) banned?
If the world is a global village, who is the village headman?
If it is wrong to judge people by their looks, what is the point of wearing good dresses?
If marriages are made in heaven, why do couples go through hell after marriage?
If India is a secular country, why is a "Religion" column there in almost every form that you fill up to join a school or a college?
If actions speak louder than words, why do we have most of our exams in written format?
If "love comforteth like sunshine after the rain" (Lord Alfred Tennyson), "why does it always rain on me" (Travis) ? ;)

Thoughtful answers are welcomed. :-P

A tribute to my sister

2011-10-15T00:51:00.001+05:30

I thought of writing a poem first, but then I realized that I cannot describe in so concise a form what my sister means to me. :)

To begin from the beginning, my sister was born when I was in my 2nd standard. I remember going to Stetford hospital in Avadi (I'm not too sure about the spelling of the hospital's name :-D )... seeing her as a baby.. I remember seeing her in her cradle.. I remember rocking her to sleep.. It's a common "tradition" that new-born babies utter the word "amma" (mother) as their first word. Well, the general consensus within my family is that Ammu (my sister) uttered "anna" (brother) as her first word. I don't know if I should feel proud about it, but I do - a lot. I remember that she used to cry too much. (Thankfully, she doesn't do that now :-) ) My grandparents and parents asked me what to name her. She used to wear a monkey cap when she was a baby to keep out the cold since she was born in December, and I playfully replied that we should call her "Gullabi" (Gulla - monkey cap). My grandmother even used that name in the prayer requests that she made to various organizations for Ammu. I remember seeing birthday cards addressed to her as "Naveena Gullabi" from prayer groups.... ha ha ha..

I also remember the time my father and I pored over a lot of books to decide a name for her. We finally settled on the name Cynthia - a Shakespearean name which means "the moon". Today, she is my sun, my moon and everything else under the sky to me. Sadly, there is no single word to describe all this, and I guess that "Cynthia" will have to do. However, I don't remember how we settled upon the name "Ammu" to use within the family. No memorable story there, I guess.

I remember going on my mother's college tours with her. I remember a particular photo where she had curd rice all over her mouth and was smiling cutely. I guess she must have been 2 or 3 years old when that happened. I remember hitting her with a cork cricket ball when she started going to school and I was playing with the ball within our house. I also remember that she ran away crying to complain about me to the housemaid first, and later, to our parents. We used to fight a lot back then. I used to get some boneless chicken from a shop near our house. A plate used to cost around Rs. 15, and my mother used to give money to buy two plates - one for her and one for me. I did some pretty ugly stuff back then - I used to eat a few pieces in the shop from one plate and give her the pack with less number of pieces. She used to suspect that something was up, but I was able to convince her and our mother that everything was alright. I feel ashamed about it now, but there is nothing I can do to change the past. I don't remember when we started getting close, when we stood up for each other, but I am glad that it happened at some point of time and it keeps on happening even now.

She gives me greeting cards every year for my birthday and for any other special occasion. I must confess that I have lost quite a few, but still treasure the ones that I have not lost. She takes the time to write beautiful poems and verses on these greeting cards. Sadly, I don't think I do a good job of returning the favour. But, I guess, what matters is what you feel more than what you do.. ;) (I know it's a lame excuse, but I don't have a better one). She has been there with me through my lows, and trust me, my lows are pretty low, damn low, lower than the worst that you can imagine. She has been with me when I made certain decisions in my life, and in spite of her young years, has played a major part in all the good decisions that I have made - the bad ones, I claim sole responsibility for them.

Today, at the time of the writing of this post, she is all grown up and has entered her first year in college. I think that her height is almost equal to that of my shoulders. My parents and I tease her that it's going to be tough to get a bridegroom for her if she grows too tall!! ha ha ha.. But she has still been the same Ammu to me.. a bit more mature.. a bit more serious.. a bit more playful as well.. I don't know how to describe her, but I like her the way she is and I hope she stays that way...

I hope this continues on and I have her as my never-ending source of love, affection and guidance. I have not been a great, not even good brother to her, but she has been a great sister to me. And I hope that one day I will be able to repay her for all that she has done for me!! That's all I ask for!!!

The Traveller's Dilemma

2011-10-11T00:39:00.000+05:30

(My take on Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" and "Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening" in modern light where you are over-burdened with choices and responsibilities)

Too many roads diverged in a yellow wood.
Not two, but more than what actually should.
And I, I stood there in silence, in wonder -
Hoping my step would not be a blunder.

My promises I have kept,
And I still haven't slept.
But the evening drags on and on
With no sign of the morning dawn.

I know I have much to learn,
And no matter how much I yearn,
The things I will never know
At unimaginable rates ever grow.

Too many roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one I could.
And here I am, where many more diverge again,
In silence, in wonder, still standing in the rain.

The Rules of Death

2011-09-27T19:37:00.002+05:30

It's hard to comprehend
These rules that never bend
The rules of separation
The rules of death....

Not a single soul is spared,
Not a single life is safe,
All laid naked and bare,
Their eyes in a glassy stare.

A thousand deaths happen a day
All goin' through that darkened way
But the sorrow that surrounds yours
Just won't go away....

The strength of my youth
Is passin' by....
The ones that were with me
Have fallen behind

I'm still waiting, biding my time
Unaware, unsure of when I'll come
Come up there to be with you
And then...we can be together, .together forever...

Waiting

2011-09-27T19:35:00.002+05:30

And I watch, waiting silently,
Hoping you will come back to me.
And I stand all alone in the dark,
Nothing making sense to me.

The nights are growing
Darker than they are,
The hours, the days, the weeks, the months
Are going by.

I can't even think straight.
I can't even see what's right.
I can't live without the sight of you.
Baby, this ain't no lie, it's true.

What did I do, what did I say,
What made you throw it all away?
Our love didn't even last the day.
Make it come back, make it here to stay.

And I hope, praying fervently,
Believing that one day you will see.
And I think of everything that we had,
Of how it all could turn out so bad.

The days are growing
Lonelier than they are,
The doubts, the fears, the sighs, the cries
Are piling high.

I can't even sleep tight,
'Cause I only dream of you.
I can't live without the touch of you.
Baby, I don't believe we're through.

The Call

2011-09-27T19:24:00.000+05:30

I was walking down the road
Wondering how the world would be
When my children came around.

I saw a man hit a woman,
And she hit him back.
Man and wife seem to be
Just archaic words.

I saw nations at war,
Destroying each other from afar.
Peace just seems to be
An archaic word.

This is a call for peace.
This is a call for love.
And it's a call for everything
That we don't have now.

This is a call for hope
This is a call for trust,
And it's a call for everything
That we need right now.

I saw a man lying on the road
And they all passed him by.
Good samaritans seem to be
An extinct breed.

I saw men cutting down trees
And raping forests with glee.
Nature seems to be
Another betrayed friend.

This is a call to share
This is a call to care
And it's a call to help
Every poor brother out there.

This is a call to wake up,
And it's a call to take up
The arms of truth and love
To fight the hate everywhere.

A Modern Physicist’s Love Poem

2011-09-27T19:22:00.000+05:30

(Inspired by “Hyperspace” [Michio Kaku], extreme boredom and 6.50 bottles of beer)

Every string in my body vibrates on seeing you,
But I don’t know how to get this through.
I live like Schrodinger's cat, both alive and dead,
And though I may not have hairs like on Einstein's head,
My love is as pure and geometrical as Riemann's tensor,
Its existence still untold fearing censor.
Oh, how I wish I were a being of the fourth dimension!
I could have got anything done;
I could have gone back in time,
Changed the world, and made the cosmos rhyme.
I ask for a chance as small as the tenth dimension
To allow the heterotic strings of our heart to become as one.
Don’t be silent, don’t be a black hole.
Open up for me, to your heart a wormhole.

My English Rendition of"Veedu varai uravu"

2011-09-27T19:16:00.005+05:30

My English rendition of Kannadasan's "Veedu varai uravu"...

Till the house cometh the kin,
Till the street, the wife.
Till the cremation cometh the son.
Who cometh till the end, after life?

When he lives, he lives.
For a thousand things he yearns.
The crowd that around him thrives,
Doth it accompany him till he burns?

The mother for the cradle
And the maiden for the cot.
For the hunger, the pot and ladle.
After the blow, cometh the wise thought.

He asks the one who has gone,
To come doth he tell him to.
The one that has come doth he call upon,
And he tells him to go through.

The soul will take flight.
The body will rot to nothingness.
The fire will burn with all its might.
Still staying steadfast in wickedness.

Where do we stand?

2011-09-21T19:04:00.002+05:30

I guess it's been a really long time since I posted something here.

Something happened today (which is actually kind of funny and may make me the butt of many jokes) which made me think about a few things...

I threw out an empty water bottle from my car before starting for work. At the petrol bunk, a guy came up all disheveled and asked me if I had an extra water bottle. His vehicle had run out of petrol somewhere nearby and he was in a hurry. I told him I didn't have any but directed him to some shops about half a kilometer away. After I was done at the bunk, I noticed him running on the road. So I stopped, gave him a lift, took him to the shop and dropped him back at the bunk before continuing on my way.

Along the way, we had a short conversation somewhere along the following lines:

Me: So what do you do?
Stranger: I'm a mason. Where are you from sir?

Me: Erode. What about you?
Stranger: Thiruvannamalai.

Me: Oh!! I have a friend from there. Ok.
Stranger: Sir, is this your own car?

Me: Yes. Almost a year old.
Stranger: So, how often do you have these trips?

Me: What?!?
Stranger: No, between which places do you ferry people?

Me: What do you mean? I don't understand.
Stranger: No sir, what is the daily route of your cab?

Me: No. This is not a cab. I have some other job.
Stranger: Oh, ok. But I guess you operate this as a cab in your free time. I have a brother who used to do the same.

Me: Ha ha. No. I work as a software engineer. That salary is enough for me. I don't need to drive this as a cab.
Stranger: Sorry sir.. sorry sir...

Me: It's ok. Never mind.
Stranger: [Grins awkwardly]

I don't know whether my car looked so bad, or I looked so bad (my friends would argue that it was me ;-) :-P ).

Anyway, another train of thought which hit me was - do people think that guys in good jobs don't help normal people anymore? I have actually seen this happen. When some fellow is in trouble, these well-dressed guys never help anyone. (maybe there are a few rare exceptions which I will not consider here). This has become so common that people don't even ask us for help anymore.

So what keeps us from helping on a regular basis? From my perspective, I think that we are too busy with our daily lives - work, home, work, home, that our minds don't care about anything else. This is totally screwed up, and we need to open our eyes a bit more to think about the people around us.

The "ness" list (Part 1)

2010-04-13T10:48:00.004+05:30

Danny-ness: Kodurama thanni adichitu kodurama mokka pottutu adutha naal ethuvume gnabagam illainu solrathu (கொடூரமா தண்ணி அடிச்சிட்டு மொக்க போட்டுட்டு அடுத்த நாள் எதுவுமே ஞாபகம் இல்லைன்னு சொல்றது)

Sivakumar-ness: Kodurama thanni adichitu kodurama mokka pottutu adutha naal, "Machan, booze da", appadinu cool ah solrathu (கொடூரமா தண்ணி அடிச்சிட்டு மொக்க போட்டுட்டு அடுத்த நாள், "Machan, booze da!!", அப்படின்னு cool ah சொல்றது)

Lg-ness: Avasarama yaaravathu koopidum pothu, illa uyir pora problem appa, bayangarama thoongara maathiri nadikarathu & Gang of girls kooda pogum pothu road la pora kids ku ice cream and chocolate vaangi tharathu & Vaalkaila thappe seiyama oru uthama vaalkai valrathu.. (அவசரமா யாராவது கூப்பிடும் போது, இல்ல உயிர் போற problem அப்ப, பயங்கரமா தூங்கற மாதிரி நடிக்கறது & Gang of girls கூட போகும் போது roadல போற kidsகு ice cream and chocolate வாங்கி தரது & வாழ்க்கைல தப்பே செய்யாம ஒரு உத்தம வாழ்க்கை வாழ்றது..) :P

ArunKartik-ness: Avasarama yaaravathu koopidum pothu, illa uyir pora problem appa, "gym ku poiten da..", appadinu abatamma poi solrathu (அவசரமா யாராவது கூப்பிடும் போது, இல்ல உயிர் போற problem அப்ப, "gym ku poiten da..", அப்படின்னு அபத்தம்மா பொய் சொல்றது ..)

Motta-ness: Aduthavan poruluku aasai padarathu (அடுத்தவன் பொருளுக்கு ஆசை படறது ) ;-)

MamaKartik-ness: Ethuvume seiyama, aduthavan senja thappuku asingama maati, asingapadrathu (எதுவுமே செய்யாம, அடுத்தவன் செஞ்ச தப்புக்கு அசிங்கமா மாட்டி, அசிங்கப்படுவது)

Goval-ness: Thoongara mathiri nadichu ellaru pesarathayum ottu kekarathu ( தூங்கற மாதிரி நடிச்சு எல்லாரு பேசறதையும் ஒட்டு கேக்கறது)

Safiq-ness: Anniyan Charlie-ness

Sundar-ness: Cutting adichitu, "Mapila.. innaiku 8 beer... 16 large da. semma saraku da", appadinu solrathu & Thaane pesi thaane sirichuka vendiyathu (Cutting அடிச்சிட்டு, "Mapila.. இன்னைக்கு 8 beer... 16 large da. செம சரக்குடா", அப்படின்னு சொல்றது & தானே பேசி தானே சிரிச்சிக்க வேண்டியது )

Vel-ness: As pointed out by Vishnu Kumar long back, "Pathu velaya at a time seiyarathu, but oru velaiyum urupadiya seiyaathathu.." (As pointed out by Vishnu Kumar long back, "பத்து வேலைய at a time செய்யறது, but ஒரு வேலையும் உருப்படியா செய்யாதது..")

Suresh-ness: Richie street la figure varumnu sollitu, shoe pottutu scent adichitu kelambarathu.. (Richie streetல figure வரும்னு சொல்லிட்டு, shoe போட்டுட்டு scent அடிச்சிட்டு கெளம்பறது..)

Half-ness: Lakhs kanakkula roova selavu senju car, bike, i-Pod, dresses ellam vaangiyum, pechu kolaaraala figure illama thavikarathu (Lakhs கணக்குல ரூவா செலவு செஞ்சு car, bike, i-Pod, dresses எல்லாம் வாங்கியும், பேச்சு கோளாறால figure இல்லாம தவிக்கறது)

Ice-ness: Onnume seiyama ellaraalum koduramaaga kalaaika paduvathu (ஒண்ணுமே செய்யாம எல்லாராலும் கொடூரமாக கலாய்க்க படுவது)

Jasa-ness: Kaathalukaga government job thedum "naadodigal" sasi kumar varisaiyil innum oru ilaignanaaga nitpathu.. & kaasu paithiyam pidichu pichakaaran kittayum kurudan kittayum kaasu thirudarathu.. (காதலுக்காக government job தேடும் "நாடோடிகள்" sasi kumar வரிசையில் இன்னும் ஒரு இளைஞனாக நிற்பது.. & காசு பைத்தியம் பிடிச்சு பிச்சகாரன் கிட்டயும் குருடன் கிட்டயும் காசு திருடறது..)

Keerthivaran-ness: Simbhu-ness

(To be contd.)

What goes around comes around!!!

2010-03-12T19:50:00.002+05:30

One of my previous posts, "Funny Moments" was extremely popular, and in retaliation, one of the victims has put up a retaliatory "kalaai" on his blog.

Click here to check out "Funny Moments"...

Click here to check out the retaliatory kalaai...

Enjoy... lol...

Strange Observations (Part 3)

2010-03-10T21:03:00.004+05:30

(Click here to visit Part 1 and Part 2 ;-) )

22) The portion of the body covered by clothing is inversely proportional to the wealth possessed for women, and directly proportional for men.

(Short explanation: Rich women and poor men are scantily clad while poor women and rich men are heavily clothed.)

23) You doze off when you are supposed to be awake, and you are awake when you are supposed to doze off.

24) The emergency hotline (100) is always busy.

25) The ones who know say it in the simplest possible way while the ones who do not say it in the most complex way possible.

26) A fake smile is quite easy to detect.

27) In some places you have to give respect and take respect, while in some others, if you give respect, you are taken for a ride.

28) Though Murphy's law seems to be the rambling of a pessimist, it is true.

29) All famous ascetics in our time are rich. It is quite

30) It is better to be wrong and then right, than to be right and then wrong.

31) The farther you run away from something, the closer you actually move to it.

32) The more power you have, the less willing you are to use it.

33) It is always difficult to decide how to end a list. (Proof: You're reading it.. :P)

34) You always get what you want when you don't want it. (Proof: (33) and (34))

Success?!?!?!???????

2009-12-20T23:31:00.004+05:30

What is success?

The definition of success from the point of view of the society would probably be the following: Getting a nice income, providing for one's family and the absence of deficit of things that are within your reach. Though I feel that this definition is bullshit, it makes sense in a perverted way because the primary goal of society is to ensure its own advancement as a collective organism irrespective of the well-being of its constituent organisms.

It is not surprising that the general public adheres to this definition of success, because over time, the views of the public become the views of the society. Well, if society is an organism, what guides and directs it? The whims and fancies of an elite few. What is the eccentricity of a powerful man becomes the mimicked normal character of a common man because he believes,
it is that very eccentricity which has vested power in the hands of that powerful man. What common man fails to realize is the role of hard work and intellect which actually vested power in the hands of the elite. People tend to have a "one-sided", "copied" view of life and this will ultimately lead to shambles and destruction on a large scale, which I predict will happen in the next few decades. It is during this time, I believe, there will be a revolution in all fronts - cultural, economic and social. The outcome of this revolution, I am not clairvoyant or intelligent enough to predict or guess, but I hope that it will be positive and for the best.

Enough of that diversion. Getting back to the topic, I would define success as doing what you want, whether you win or lose, which is quite relative. This definition is much broader than the previous one which is a specific case of the current one. This broader view also enables the individual to break free from the shackles of society, because the society always enforces the existence of the very rich and the very poor with no middle ground. The humanitarian approach dictates that this is downright cruel.

Another diversion. Decentralized control is always beneficial to groups because it enables various members of the group to behave, learn and evolve in their own way which has proved to be the best mechanism for survival over millions of years. Centralized control, as is the case in today's society, leads the whole group towards a path which may be right or wrong, and which may result in utter annihilation in course of time. It also promotes the welfare of the controlling authority even at the cost of other members of the group which does not strike me as the best mechanism for group survival in today's world.

I've got some work pending, and I will continue further on the media and other topics in my next post.

Road to SSN

2009-09-13T22:23:00.003+05:30

Not a day passes by, when my friends and I feel bad that our college lives ended as soon as it started. It all seems to be in the distant past. No matter what we did, and what I wrote previously, I must confess, that the best and the most fun-filled part of my life till now has been my college life, and I believe it will be so in the years to come as well. I met some of the best friends of my life here. They have been with me through ups and downs. Truthfully, all of us feel that we came out as "men" when we left college. We hurt a lot of people (physically and mentally), and we got hurt by a lot of people (mentally only ;-)). We did a lot of good things that few people know about, and a few bad things that everyone knows about. But in the end, the good memories overwhelm the bad ones and what we gained far outweighs what we lost.

I was well known for my carelessness. (Please note the use of the word "was" -> hopefully I have changed now.. ;-) ). The day of the twelfth standard results came. I went to school and checked the result. It was 200, 200, 199, 188 (I am not sure about the order of the first three but I think 188 came after these three.) I was shocked. I looked up and down and made sure that I was looking at my entry only. Sadly, it was mine. I had lost 12 marks in Maths which meant I was going to lose 6 marks in my cut-off. My entrance mark was around 88 or 89, I think. That meant I had a very low cut-off, at least by my standards back then. I was quite broke and did not know what to do. I had high hopes of getting into Anna University, and all of that seemed a distant possibility. When the counseling schedules came, I was scheduled to attend on the morning of the second day. (When I had applied for the xerox of my Maths paper, I found out that I had copied the question wrongly from the question paper for two sums. :-D)

My center was GCT, Coimbatore. My mother was among the first batch of EEE students there, and a lot of people, lab attenders and professors remembered her well. Anyway, on the night before the second day, my family and I put up in a hotel in Coimbatore. We were checking the availability of seats online, and I was dejected to find that a lot of good colleges did not have any seats left. My mother had told me long back that SSN was growing well and it was a really good college. We could not see how many seats were left here because of the shitty Internet facilities back then. Also, I was very particular that I wanted to take up Computer Science and nothing else. I cried that night with dreams broken and my future uncertain. Karunya seemed to be the last place if everything else failed and I was talking to my father about that. My father, however, was livid with rage because I had not lived up to his expectations and refused to pay any donations to let me join a college.

The next day, I did get my seat at SSN. When I came out, I met a lean guy who had come up after me. We found out that we were not only going to be college mates, but department mates as well. He was from Salem. We went for the medical check-up. My identification mark was a mole just below my right chest and the doctor told me take off my shirt to check it. A girl was already inside and I was kind of embarrassed. Anyway, after the girl left, all the formalities were over, and I came out a very happy boy. I said good bye to my department mate and made for home. That fellow is none other than J. Ashok Singh Abraham (JASA, Aaaya, Hero of SSN looking for a heroine). When I came back, I got a call from my school mate. He was also going to be my department mate. That was V. Venkatraman (Ice). I also got another call from my long-time class mate in school telling me that he had taken ECE in the same college. That was Navin. C. We were all excited and started making plans.

I told my parents that I needed a new computer because my old one was quite worn out. There was a huge ruckus because my father refused initially. I made quite a scene and I finally got one the day before I left for Chennai. I did not know what to take with me because it was my first time in the hostel. My mother, sister and I left by train the day before the college opened. A few of my friends came to the railway station to send us off. I cried, but did not know why. I stopped soon, but did not know how. We put up at my grandparents' place in Ambattur, and the next morning we left in an Omni van taking a bed, my other grandfather's military trunk box, my computer, buckets, blankets and the like. We came to the hostel and I found Jasa, Ice and the rest of the guys waiting there. I got a lot of advice from all my elders and we left for the inauguration function. Everything was so colourful all around me ( ;-) ). I found out that none of the guys I knew initially and I were in the same class. Anyway, I felt it would be good to meet up with some new people as well. After the inauguration, my grandparents, my mother and my sister left, and I went to the humanities block. I searched around for my class for some time. A little bit later, I found it on the first floor. With a deep breath, I entered 'B' section.

A small passage...

2009-05-15T16:11:00.002+05:30

I came across this small passage when I was reading the true story behind a recent film called "The Soloist". I liked it a lot and thought I would share it with everyone...

SUCCESS

My friend asked me a question
I could not readily answer.

"Why do people who lie and cheat
Always seem to do better in life
Than people who try to do the right thing?"

A philosophical answer would not do;
She needed a practical response.

A theological answer would not do;
She already knew what that was.

We examined a specific case that troubled her.
An employee was told to fake product test results,
If he lied, people might be harmed.
He could not lie so he was fired.
Someone else faked the results;
The product was made.
The company is successful;
The former employee is bitter and destitute.

Her question to me:
"Why was evil rewarded and good punished?"

She wasn't satisfied with the standard answer:
"The case isn't over yet;
We don't know the final outcome."

It wasn't the final outcome she cared about.
"Why did doing the right thing
Produce such bad results?"
And more importantly,
"Why does that always seem to be the case?"

I couldn't give her a quick response
But her questions made me wonder.
Is apparent success true success?
Is it incorrect for me to think
That outward and inner success could be different?
Is it really true that the pain of doing right
Ultimately prevails over the ease of doing wrong?
How long will it take for the fired employee to believe
That what he did - in the end - was best for him?
What if he never believes that it was best?

I can listen to quick, standard answers:
Doing the right thing is always right.
Without suffering you can't experience true joy.
Striving is the essence of life.
You can only gain after you experience pain.
Everything always works out in the end.

Yes, I know that getting to the end that matters,
But how I get there matters most.

I have learned
The quick, standard answers are true
But they don't ease the day-to-day struggle.
They don't give me all the help I need to live my life,
For living life is no simple matter.

I'm just beginning to understand the adage
"Wisdom comes with age."
A successful life
Always incorporates good and evil,
And in the struggle
Sometimes evil seems to prevail.

But while I'm in the midst of the struggle
I cannot say that evil has won.
Only when I cross the bridge to the other side
Of the conflict can I call the results.
Only after I have experienced the entire event
Can I say which side has won.

That takes time -
Sometimes a lifetime.

So, what are your thoughts on this passage?

The Chronicles Of Life And Death

2009-05-04T01:34:00.001+05:30

One of my favourite songs from Good Charlotte.. The Chronicles of Life and Death..

You come in cold
You're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord
He hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life
And where do you go?
With no destination, no map to guide you
Wouldn’t you know
That it doesn’t matter, we all end up the same

These are the chronicles of life and death
And everything between
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem
You come in this world
And you go out just the same
Today could be the best day of your life

And money talks, in this world, that's what idiots will say
But you'll find out, that this world
Is just an idiot's parade
Before you go
You've got some questions, and you want answers
But now you're old, cold, covered in blood
Right back to where you started from

These are the chronicles of life and death
And everything between
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem
You come in this world
And you go out just the same
Today could be the worst day of your life

But these are the chronicles of life and death
And everything between
These are the stories of our lives as fictional as they may seem
You come in this world
And you go out just the same
Today could be the best day of
Today could be the worst day of
Today could be the last day of
Your life
It’s your life
Your life

Funny Moments

2009-03-25T02:41:00.009+05:30

I felt that my blog was getting kind of all melancholic... I have decided to lighten things up a bit...

I think everyone has heard a lot of jokes about English being spoken wrongly. But I feel that the following incidents have taken it to a whole new level. And as far as general knowledge is concerned, well.......never mind.... Here are some true funny moments that happened back in college..

(LEGEND: Actually intended meanings are enclosed in brackets and italicized)

SIVA KUMAR:

INCIDENT #1:

He went to the airport to book a ticket to Mumbai. Luckily, Varun went with him and so I treat you to this incident:

Siva : Yesterday, I want to went to Mumbai. (Tomorrow, I want to go to Mumbai)
Lady At The Counter : What?

Siva : How many tickets was you gave? (How many tickets do you have?)
Lady At The Counter : Sir, please... enaku tamil theriyum...

INCIDENT #2:

GRAPE :-> Siva's spelling for "giraffe"

THE MAN BEHIND ALL THIS:

2. KAIPULLA

INCIDENT #1:

He saw the Taj Mahal for the first time during the final year tour.. and exclaimed:
"Cha..Machi... Akbar enna scena taj mahala noor jahanuku katti irukaaru.. wow da...I love Taj Mahal da.. Jai Hind!!!!"

INCIDENT #2:

LG received a message from Kaipula...

I have don't money. I am hungrying for two days. Need some cash da
(I don't have money. I have been hungry for two days)

THE MAN BEHIND ALL THIS:

3. KARTHIK

INCIDENT #1:

Serious advice from siva to karthik.....

Siva : Dai mapila...unaku English romba worsta iruku..ethavathu SPEAKEN english class ku poda
Karthik : dai..athu speaken english illa da.. SPOKING english....

INCIDENT #2:

During the L&T interview,

HR : What's your area of interest?
Karthik : TAMBARAM

THE MAN BEHIND ALL THIS:

3. RAJ ASHWIN KARTHIK

INCIDENT #1:

During HCL Interview when he was a bit tense,

HR : Can you tell me five south indian languages?
Saani : Yeah, my pleasure. Tamil, KERALA, Telugu, KARNATAKA, SOUTH INDIA

INCIDENT #2:

Motta got a message from someone asking where he was, and the following is an excerpt from what followed:
Motta : I has been ating under the hotel of sherly for the two hours (I have been eating in hotel sherly for the past two hours)
Saani : Dai loose.. athu "under the hotel of sherly" illa da.. "below the hotel of sherly" da
Motta : Scene da mapila.. english la kalakara po..
Saani : Vidu da...ithuku thaan cbse eduthu padikanumnukarathu...

MOTTA

INCIDENT #3:

This happened quite recently in Bangalore where he was on a girl-hunting spree at HCL. Here is how he let a girl know that he had a crush on her.

Saani : Hi... I have been crushing under...sorry..sorry...below you for many days. (I have been having a crush on you for many days)

THE MAN BEHIND ALL THIS:

4. ANAND (BIO-MEDICAL)

He stayed with us at Kodambakkam for the past few months, and we have grown tired of his singing romantic songs into the headphone to some poor girl at the other end. If you stop this nonsense, or at least, keep your voice down, I will remove the part about you.. :P

INCIDENT #1:

His classmate teased him that he did not know English. He spent a full night learning all the basic English sentences and grammar from me. The next morning, he got a call from that girl, and we all sat around him to see how well he talked. The first sentence....

"Hi, why are you?" (Hi, how are you?)

INCIDENT #2:

He became a serious paid blogger recently. Here is the first line of his first post...

Have you ever heard of quality Las Vegas at cheap rates?
(Have you ever heard of quality apartments in Las Vegas at cheap rates?)

THE MAN BEHIND ALL THIS:

5. JASA

INCIDENT #1:

Jasa was trying to pick up a girl during the first semester by messaging her. He decided to send something romantic and impress her. Here is the poem he wrote:

Jasa : Sun is settING.
Roses are shrinkING.
Stars are shinING.
Its time to say good evenING.

Reply : Stop MessagING.

THE MAN BEHIND THIS:

Special thanks to Motta and LG for recollecting all these golden moments, and guiding me throughout this post. Thanks motta..you're a sport...

Here To Stay

2009-03-25T02:28:00.002+05:30

A simple song I wrote with a simple tune some time back.. lol.. Was reminded of it now.. Thought I would post it to help people who are making up after a fight with their loved ones...lol.. use it at your own risk..

I make a million mistakes.
Well, I'm at fault.
But my love isn't fake.
It isn't all salt.
Please forgive me.
I could not see
That I was wrong.
That's why I'm singing this song...

The sky may crash down on me.
The sea may wash over me.
The wind may blow me away.
But my love is here to stay.

Sometimes anger blinds me.
Well, I'm at fault.
But you're my destiny.
Keep me in your vault.
Try to understand me.
I'm sorry, love,
I did not see.
That's why I'm singing this song...

The fire may burn me down.
Death may take my crown.
The years may make me gray.
But my love is here to stay.

Let me know if you like it, or if it helped you in some way.. ;-) lol

Modernization, Westernization???

2009-02-08T05:04:00.003+05:30

Been a long time since my last post.. And this has been the standard first line for most of my previous posts during the past year. lol.. Guess it cannot be helped. I was thinking of putting up this post yesterday, but work and tiredness overcame my determination. At around one in the morning yesterday, a friend and I were talking about the influence of globalization on India. Then came up an interesting anecdote from Dr. Kamal Haasan, regarding culture. This was related to the controversy surrounding the naming of his film, Virumaandi. Anyway, the part of his speech that I would like to highlight is: "Culture is something that people change whenever they want. A hundred years ago, Sati(burning widows along with their husbands) was part of our culture. But it is not now." I agreed with his version of culture for a few hours before I started thinking on my own lines. My line of reasoning regarding culture is: "Culture represents the level of understanding by each society of its environment, and symbolises the manners and customs that the members of the society feel that they should follow in order to maximize their collective chances of survival and propagation." I do not know whether anyone else has thought on the same lines. But personally, I feel that this is the appropriate meaning of culture in all possible contexts.

I admit that Indian culture does have its flaws. Initially, women do not seem to have been given much freedom. But the crucial fact that I would like to point out is, women were not given freedom in other cultures as well. This is something that most of us miss. My friend told me another piece of information as well. In the 1950s, there were only three countries in the world that gave voting rights to women, and India was one of them. Most of the readers of my blog are people well-known to me, and are in and around my age group. So, please take this as a personal request - DO NOT JUST FIND FAULTS WITH OUR CULTURE, TAKE STEPS TO CORRECT THEM AS WELL. NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS PERFECT, AND WE ARE STILL ON THAT LONG ROAD TO PERFECTION.

Then came the discussion about free sex and the like. It seems that a lot of youngsters today are receptive towards the idea and find no fault in following it. I was quite sceptic about it from the minute I heard the term, and decided to do some research. I found that Western countries were very much like us in the beginning, and gradually adopted these ideas. I also discovered that the family structure in these countries was quite broken down, and the level of commitment between spouses was very low. There are so many divorces, break-ups and remarriages that children are affected a lot. It is not surprising that the rates of depression, suicides and drugs are quite high in these countries. This is what the idea of free sex, and the lack of commitment towards a proper marriage give rise to. I know that our elders tell us that a lot of things that we see in English movies and television are wrong, because those things do NOT adhere to our culture. This is where most of our elders are at fault because they do not give us a proper reason to stick to our culture. Maybe, they feel that they need not give us a proper explanation, or they do not know it themselves. Gradually, we youngsters start rebelling against our culture because the generation of today does not like to limit itself without a proper reason. Well, let me tell you why I feel that many aspects of our culture are far superior to the ones found in other cultures.

Indian culture, as a whole, rests on the foundation of strong family ties and religion. Since religion is a controversial topic which may give rise to too many unnecessary arguments, discussions and disagreements, I will drop it, and take up the former. Strong family ties can come only if we marry with the consent of our relatives and parents, or if you and your spouse decide to stick together for the rest of your lives. With free sex and frequent switching of spouses, you prove yourself to be a person who does not know how to manage a relationship, or to be an unstable hand. We, Indians, care for our children a lot, and support them for as long as possible, unlike Western countries, where, in most families a child is on his own after teenage, and most elder people there spend their last days in old age homes. I believe these two facts alone are sufficient to indicate the closeness that the members of a family have between them. Would you keep your mom and dad with you when they are old, care for them like they cared for you when you were young and be by their side when they pass away, or send them away to an old age home and just turn up for their funeral? This is where we differ. This is where the ethics and things that our elders teach us in our younger days come into play. The problem is that no one explains things properly so that we understand what we are doing, instead of blindly following a few teachings. The practices that Western countries follow will only lead to decline in family ties, lack of commitment, depression and higher suicide rates.

I am not against love and divorce. Each person must be given the right to choose his or her spouse. And it is natural that things do not work out sometimes. What I am against is blindly falling in love, just because having a girlfriend or boyfriend is the in-thing. The relationship falls apart in a short period of time, and the couple break up. After that, the boy and the girl start looking for other partners with the same mindset, and the vicious cycle continues. There are other cases where one dumps the other for some reason or the other. Please give your partner a chance - well, many chances. After all, you may have been forgiven a lot of times by people around you for the faults that you have made. Do not give up so easily on the one who loves you. Choose your partner wisely, and make sure you stick with that partner till your last breath. This way, your children will grow up in a secure environment, and they can focus on coming up in life instead of wondering what their mother and father are going to fight about that evening. I think that those who may have been confused by my perspective on culture can see things in a better light now. Our culture paves the way for the betterment of the individual in subtle ways that are not so evident. Be yourself. Do not lose your identity.

A society does not stand on its own. Each person contributes some part, and in the well-being of the whole lies the well-being of the individual, and vice-versa. It is a cycle, and you have to start at some point to get the whole thing going. If people cheat you just because you are good and forgiving, do not change yourself just because you have met a few bad eggs. I have this habit of going out of my way to help others. One of my close friends reprimands me a lot for this, and I can still hear her scoldings as I am typing. She used to tell me again and again that charity begins at home. I agree with her. But if all of us place our own needs above the needs of others ALL THE TIME, we would soon rot away into nothingness. There are times when we must sacrifice our desires and well-being for the sake of others. (Well, Ms. A, if you are reading this post now, I know that you will scold me for giving supposedly bad advice to others as well.. :P.. podinga.. :P) Most of you are aware of the saying: "It does not matter how long you have lived, but how well you have lived." I would like to rephrase it and state in my own words: "It does not matter how happy you are when you are alive, but how happy you are when you die." I believe that this captures the essence of Indian culture, where we are taught to complete our duties to our parents, children, spouse and the society before we die. I have been to a few mournings in Chennai, and the most striking aspect that stood out was the lack of people there. Even the neighbours did not seem to spend much time with the affected family. Everyone just paid a visit and moved on instead of staying back and lending a helping hand. This was in stark contrast to the other parts of Tamil Nadu where your neighbours play the pivotal role in organizing all parts of the funeral and the ceremonies that follow it. Frankly, how many of you know all your neighbours well? This is what Western culture is all about - keeping to yourself and not giving a damn about others. We are at the cross-roads now, and we youngsters are going to determine the path that our country is going to take in the coming years. Take your decision wisely, for the future of our country rests in our hands.

Even if one of you change your attitude on reading this post, that is enough for me. I will feel happy that all these words have not been in vain.

[P.S. This is to all the assholes who keep bugging me for link exchanges. I do not put links to other people's blogs except for the ones that I know personally, and I am not going to check out your posts on the miracle drug that elongates your manhood by 6 inches for only $1. So stop pestering me, and go fuck yourself.)

Creative Begging

2008-06-20T18:18:00.004+05:30

Everywhere we go, we meet beggars of all sorts. But begging has taken a totally whole new dimension lately. There are so many aspects that are being exploited that it only makes one wonder at the creative juices that flow within these guys. Two days back, during my unfortunate stint at home, I was in a coffee shop near the railway station. As I came out to leave, a guy came up to me and told me that he had lost everything on the train and he needed some money to get to the next town. I asked him how much he needed and gave him twenty bucks to get a ticket. I went inside the shop again and got some water to drink. The owner told me that that fellow was a con man and he gets money from whomever he meets like this. I was stunned. All the happiness of performing a good deed vanished and I felt a lot of anger rising in me. Then I started laughing appreciating the well-played act put up by that fellow. As I drove back home, I remembered all the times I had been conned like this. The previous day in Trichy, some young fellow came up to me and told the same story. I gave him thirty bucks. A month ago, in Koyambedu, while sending off one of my best friends, one lady told me the same story. I gave her ten bucks. The note was a little shaggy. She looked at it doubtfully and asked me to replace it. I shouted at her like anything and drove her away. Women with babies, men and women with sad stories, ahhhhhhhh... begging is going places my friend. it is going places. It is up to the general public to be aware of all this bull shit and turn a blind eye to these cunning motherfuckers. I am not against helping the poor, but I am very much against getting conned. So for those of you with good hearts, please, I repeat, please be aware that there is a lot of cheating going out there. These guys act and seem genuine. But remember they are nothing more than con artists who live on the genuine concern of the good-hearted ones. Kids are being brought into the beggin racket as well. And it does pain one to turn them away. But do NOT let yourself be cheated.

Emotionless

2008-06-14T19:43:00.003+05:30

I sat back and thought about the events of the past few months. I realized that I have been getting too emotional and too sentimental for my own good which has got me into quite a few problems resulting in drastic mood swings and headaches. I typed upto this on the night of June 14th, but then had to rush to a friend's party. So here i am - back to let my feelings flow. The fact of the matter is that when you get emotional, your brain stops working. :) Yes, believe me, it stops working. Life is full of ups and downs and when you start getting happy for the ups, you start getting sad for the downs. When you're down, you remember the times you were happy and feel sadder. But you may also take inspiration from those previous happy moments and move on. Still, if you feel happy, you will feel sad. So the best thing is to drown out both sorrow and joy in the same sea and make sure the waters are calm at all times. Some may argue that emotions are what define our existence as humans because animals do not feel them. But for someone whose life has been full of downs, shattered dreams and fallen hopes, I think it is best that I learn to ignore all kinds of emotions and take life as it comes with the same calm attitude. Does that mean that the best way to be is to be like a vegetable? No, the best way to be is to have certain limits within which you control your emotions and you do not let your emotions control you. People come and go. Victories come and go. Defeats come and go. Joys come and go. Sorrows come and go. You cannot trust everyone. You cannot believe everyone. You do not realize this at first. But as time goes on and the number of defeats and betrayals that you face increase, you know how to choose. Still we do make mistakes, and when such mistakes are made, keep moving on. Shit happens. More and more shit happens. But still we go on and on and on and on and on. This has been my favourite saying of late, and truly, it has given me the strength to move on in the worst situations possible with a smile on my face. I am just twenty years old now. And I know that the troubles, worries and adversities that I face are nothing compared to what lie ahead. I understand that to some people shit keeps on happening. What do you do then? Give up and become one with the shit that surrounds you? Na..You buckle up.. cover your nose... :D and wade through the shit hoping that when the shit does stop happening at some point of time, you will get water to wash the shit off. And when you do get the water, just wash off the shit and keep walking. Don't rejoice because the shit has been washed off as there is more to come. A lot more than you can imagine. Well..what do you do if you are caught in a sea of never-ending shit? Well..still..you buckle up..cover your nose...(damn, this shit is getting too much for my liking)..and still wade through the shit and keep going on..and when you do go down..you'll know that you have given it your best shot and haven't laid down lamely. As far as I am concerned, the troubles that I have faced have always been beyond my level, greater than I could solve. I thank God for having given me the strength to endure all of them and be what I am today. My opinion is that being emotionless is the only way to succeed in life. Too many jerks can ruin the ride and damage your pride.

The End Of The Beginning

2008-05-08T22:02:00.002+05:30

I find it kind of hard to believe. Yes, really hard to believe. There are a few things that you imagine that you hope never come true. But what do you do when these things do come true? My college days have ended. My friends have gone home. Two of my roomies have vacated and gone home. Life feels kind of incomplete without these people. I was returning home from college on the night of May 6th with Jasa after saying good bye to my friends in the hostel. I could not feel anything. I felt numb. I could not feel sad. I could not feel bad. I just felt numb. Sigh... We were returning on Old Mahabalipuram Road, laughing all the while, recalling all the places we had been to along that stretch of road. We talked about what the future held for us and our plans for the same. The four years of my college life have been beyond comparison. I really can't say anything else. I am not able to say anything else. I do not want to get emotional or sentimental on my blog.

They say that life begins in college. Now the beginning has ended and the rest of life beckons. I am not sure if I want to go. But I guess I have no other choice and I take my steps with trepidation. Let us see what happens...

A Look In The Mirror (Part 2)

2008-03-13T01:22:00.004+05:30

Here I am again. Instincts just got over and I heartily thank all the people who made it a success. Nothing could have been done without my enthusiastic juniors whom I thank again with all sincerity. Another wonderful thing that happened to me in the past week was that my arrear in DSP got cleared, thanks to the grace of God.

I have spent a lot of time speculating about what I am. This old MGR song, "Unnai arinthaal...nee unnai arinthaal...", it was the first thing that got me thinking about myself. I seriously find it hard to believe that I am where I am today, considering the way I have been and the way I am . have to thank my parents a lot because they gave me the best possible exposure a kid could ever have: Dad taught me English before I learnt Tamil; Mom sent me to learn Hindi in my 2nd std(Sadly, the only lines I know in Hindi now are "What is your name?" and "I love you" (which the guys taught me during our final year tour) ); Dad sent me to guitar class in 3rd std; Dad sent me to Karate class in 3rd std; Dad gave me some poems to read in my 3rd std (I still remember reciting my first poem during prayer in my 3rd std. It was about a plane. It goes something like Zip! Zap! Zoom!..lol..I don't remember the rest..:-( ); Dad got me to study 10 General Knowledge questions a day from my 3rd std; Dad sent me to many competitions and encouraged me from as long as I can remember. (I won a district-level essay writing contest and won a free computer course in my 6th std. Ahh..These events still remain fresh in my mind. My classmate Balakumaresh told me about this contest and gave me an entry-form. I won both the quiz and the essay-writing contest. But they awarded me the prize for the essay-writing contest only, to give another kid also a chance to learn computers. That was the first time I actually saw a computer. :-) . Then, Mom got a 386 PC and let me wreak havoc on it. She never scolded me no matter how many times I trashed it. lol...and that was at least 2 times a day. :-D ); Dad and Mom gave me so much freedom even back then (I remember watching Tom & Jerry, Thundarr the Barbarian, Popeye the Sailor, Centurions, Swat Kats even before examinations); Mom gave me permission to learn computers a second time in my 8th std (My friend Kathiresan and I deleted all the system files in the Windows 3.1 computers in the labs and rode away like hell on our cycles...lol..); Dad let me take my bicycle to my school 5 kms away (He wanted me to go by auto, but I wanted to show off..lol..and I did ride to school till my 10th std.); Grandpa got me a new keyboard (PSR-320) in my 6th std after watching my guitar performance during my uncle's wedding; Mom got me a new computer (Pentium II) in my 9th std and an Internet connection as well and sent me to learn the "C" language (That changed my whole life, and I guess the rest is history.. 8) ); Grandma introduced me to Christ at an early age and started my spiritual life; Dad started getting me story books and any book that I asked for from my 3rd std (My first book was Rani comics.. :-D. From then on, Dad took me shopping every month to old book stores in Coimbatore, and both of us went on shopping sprees and came back loaded with bags of books. In fact, there are rooms full of books in my house. Mom burnt more than half of them in my 11th std, after the nuisance of rats became too much for her liking.); Dad spent thousands of rupees getting computer books for me from my 9th std. I have had innumerable fights with my parents. I have shouted so many bad things at them. But in the end, I have to admit that I love my parents and my sister more than anything in this world, and nothing can change that.

I have heard from my parents and friends that as a kid,I was very, very naughty. They still show the scars left over from where I bit them. Nothing was safe from me. Anything within my reach became unusable within a fraction of a second. I hung around with kids who were mischievous. We used to jump outside the class over the wall and hide in the toilet in my 3rd std if the class got too boring. :-D. We used to pull girls' ponytails. Then we made up with them, got them to give us their food, and as soon as we finished it, resorted to our old ways. Love was a big thing then, and I have lost count of the huge volume of love letters and proposals that passed between boys and girls. My father used to make me kneel in the hot sun if I did not get the first rank. lol...It all seems so funny now. I got hit so many times by my parents and teachers. I guess that is the only way to control streaks of mischief. :-) . As I grew older, the sort of company I hung around with did not change. My teachers scolded me for moving with boys who were not good in studies. I remember rebutting them saying them that it is not studies that make a person, but character. Today, I feel proud that I was wise enough to realize it even back then.

I love freedom. No rules. No barriers. No constraints. I will give anything to have a carefree life. But that does not mean I hate work and responsibility. In fact, I sort of alternate between the two all the time. I love to take up responsibility and do something if I feel I can actually make a difference. But all the same, I love to be free as well. Hmm.. Looks like it is my personal paradox.
Helping others is another thing that I have been doing for as long as I can recollect. I hate to admit it, but this has got me into lots of trouble more than once. Now, I have learned to think twice before I act.

Being carefree and chitchatting were my favourite pastimes. Lately, I have changed in that aspect. I still move with people freely. But I avoid unnecessary talk except with a very close circle of friends, with whom I sit up till early in the morning talking about things of no consequence. I have decided to to revert to my old self and chitchat with everyone from now because I miss it a lot. :-D

Fistfights and brawls were a part of my life from the moment I joined school. My short temper is one of my weakest points. But the way I see it, if I lose my temper, then it means that there is something seriously wrong. The only fault I see is, that I get too angry and act too harshly. A few times I act very calm and composed. Hmm... It will take a lot to change that part of me.

Poems and writing have enthralled me from the moment I was exposed to them. I am amazed by the way thought can be communicated in a rhythmic, coherent and pleasing manner.

I have always had this penchant for different and challenging tasks that few dare undertake. Risky sports are not the only way to get an adrenaline rush. I can vouch for that: Normal, everyday things and challenges in daily life can give you the same feeling. Doing things against insurmountable odds gives me pleasure like nothing else can.

In conclusion, I feel that the following extracts from two very famous poems epitomize me:

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference."

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

The Joy of Being Myself

2008-01-17T08:05:00.002+05:30

Just got back frm home..(Erode that is..). Rooted out a bug in my final year project (An Object Oriented, Globally Synchronized, Fault Tolerant Message Passing Interface for Parallel Computing) that had been giving me nightmares for the last couple of weeks...

The most annoying problem with the up and coming generation is that most of us do not have the notion of self-identity. All this generation does is identify itself with something else. Each and every human is unique and wonderful in his own way. Sadly, we throw it all away to be like someone else. Trying to behave like someone else is too fucking idiotic and pathetic. Look at the way we dress. Look at the way we project ourselves like we are hi-fi, decent and all that stuff. Look at the way we judge ourselves based on others' views. If you talk in English, you are a well-behaved, high class person. I do not know whether to laugh my brains out or throw up when I think about this common view that society holds. I still laugh from time to time when I see the guys working at these posh restaurants and coffee shops. The way they have been trained to act cool and stuff...rotfl.. This is actually necessary when you consider that they may have to interact with customers who do not know Tamil. But the local Tamilians, well, I believe most of them even feel ashamed to talk in their mother tongue when they go to such shops. Since English is better accepted than Hindi as a unifying factor as far as language is concerned, I do not militate against English. It is just that it is meaningful to use it only where it is necessary, rather than making a show of your knowledge of it. Another situation where I support the usage of English is, when you feel when you can better express yourself using it.

One more disgusting thing is the usage of spoons, forks and fucking knives for eating. We are the people who eat using our hands, and it is now out of fashion to do so. Well, damn you motherfuckers who feel that way, or look down on people who do so. Personally, I've taken a vow never to use these things as long as I am eating Indian food. It was never really necessary to use these "implements" to eat our food.

I've tried to remain as unique and unfettered as possible throughout my short life. I may have faltered somewhere along the way. Still I'm proud that I've given it my best shot and will continue to do so as long as I live.

I've got a wonderful bunch of roomies with whom you can have an intelligent conversation regarding anything, ranging from the Sri Lankan LTTE problem to Operation Bluestar, from cricket to fencing, from Tamil films to French and Korean films. I was discussing my above feelings with one of them. He said that great people actually never imitate anyone and have their own style till the end. I totally agreed with him, but my counterpoint was that great people remain unique because no one can question them regarding it. On the other hand, if common man tries the same stunt, society badgers him with unpleasant comments.

My conclusion is that we are moving away from our culture and uniqueness as a society, and it is going to take another Indian Renaissance to be what we were, and yet remain globally compatible.

The Vanity of Life

2008-01-02T00:52:00.000+05:30

The journeys of the last few days have been quite tiring and I spent yesterday and today asleep for most of the time. Yes, I didn't even go out on New Year's Eve. The bed was my solace, and the fan swirling above me was my solemn companion. I now sit here, giving substance to my thoughts as I smoke my final Insignia of the day.

I grow older each day, and I regret to say, that with each mark of age upon me, I smile a lot lesser than I used to. It is a sad thing that one must lose his childhood. For being a child gives you more freedom than the freedom of all men put together. Being a child means that you stay unfettered by the cares of this world, the miseries and sorrow that surround it. Yet, the challenge of being an adult, the challenge of shouldering responsibilities and the challenge of exploring new and unknown things is too great an urge to resist.

But its amazing how fast life can grow dull and dreary. Life seems to hold no meaning to me. Everywhere I turn, the only things I see are people with false hopes, young men who hope to conquer the world, old men who think that they have seen everything, men who think they are superior to everyone around them, men who think they are inferior to everyone around them and people fighting over silly things of no value. All this rhetoric bores me. From what I've garnered from my very short 20 years in this world, I'd say that there was a time when honor and justice were the two things that needed to guide a man's actions. Today, things have changed. It isn't that honor and justice should not guide a man's actions, but two other things that are to be given equal preference are intelligence and logic. It pains me to see that we have become nothing but mechanical beings, expanding like a flooding river, devoid of a number of qualities that separate us from animals.

Is it for the mere survival of our species that we mate, grow and engulf the world that we live in? If it is so, then we are doing a very good job out of it. It would take more than a few natural disasters to drive the human race into extinction. What then is our purpose? I have no faith in evolution, in spite of all the evidence that is there to support it. Each man has his own whims and fancies, and I believe this is one of my own. I believe in the existence of God. My argument in support of the existence of God is this: "Look at the things around you. Do you really believe that every thing of nature around you in all its marvelous glory and splendor could have sprung out of nothing? Do you believe that the stars, the sun and the other heavenly bodies that graze the heavenly skies are formed out of nothing but dust? Imagine you had the power to give life. You create different beings, only one kind of which is able to think for itself, and keep them in a box sealed from the rest of the world. The beings that are able to think will at some point of time ponder over how they came to be. Now, if you do not communicate to them in any way, these beings may observe certain similar patterns in the other beings that you created and deduce that they had "evolved". On the other hand, if you do show yourself and tell them that you created them, they will look upon you as their Creator. As time passes by, assume that you are quite busy, and your creations have grown larger in number and you have little time to look after them (This comparison does not compare you with God, it is just for the sake of illustration). The learned ones of the thinking beings might eventually question your existence, while the faithful ones keep believing. I think that this is the case in today's world, where we question the existence of the very God who created us, and take refuge in the pitiful observations we make about His creations, unable to grasp or accept the whole grand scheme of things of which we are a part."

I do not know what keeps me going. I do not know why I'm recording this entry in my blog. Perhaps, deep within my heart, I want to look back one day and say, here is the day I felt that everything in this world is vain. Time will tell whether my opinions change.....

Road Trip

2007-10-04T03:04:00.000+05:30

Pre-election(LOT SELECTION) days...at Doraiswamy subway.. 2:00 A.M..the regular T-shop... jasa, motta, lg, vijay, aswin, myself.... smokin wit a few of d guys... a discussion starts abt road trips.. vijay 'n i r quite enthusiastic abt immediately leavin 4 one..our plan..go 2 either pondicherry r vellore.. smoke 'n drink a coffee der.. b der d nxt day by 8:00 coz v got warft classes at 10... d idea is totally shunned n v r mocked like hell..

Post-election (LOT SELECTION) & Pre-Paradigm days.. at my place.. jasa..vel..siva..lg.. motta, aswin, arun karthik 'n myself..11:30 a.M.. d topic of a road trip comes up again. dis time its d same guys who mocked vijay 'n i d last time.. i laff...nywys... all d guys wer enthusiastic... v discuss wer 2 go.. after a lotta speculation abt possible murderers, thieves n gangsters probably stoppin us on d way 'n robbin us.. v decide 2 go 2 mahabalipuram via OMR.. i msg my buddy rammy n ask him if he;s interested.. he says..hell yeah.. n gets his ass straight over 2 ma place..7 of us leave.. my apache..rammy's apache...aswin's splendour (aswin 'n arun karthik opted out).. and jasa's new pulsar.. dis time also i had 2 get bk early d nxt day coz i had some appointments wit a few potential sponsors.. we started at 2:30 A.M.. lolz... v discussed wat 2 do in case v wer waylaid by robbers r d police.. ;)..

v put petrol near my place. got a few fags n moved off...

* Lg 'n I
* Jasa 'n Motta
* Siva 'n Vel
* Rammy

I ask LG to capture our ride on my cell fone.bt my damn fone acted up ;n got struck wenever v wer done wit d video..nywys..got pissed off n put off d whole thing...

We stopped in front of our coll..had a few smokes out der... vel dropped his bag in d hostel..'n v wer bk on our way.. it ws quite beautiful..all d big computer companies lit up brightly at nite..d calm atmosphere..omg..it ws really wunnerful...

abt 5 km frm mahabalipuram...jasa slept and crashed his bike onto d median..lolz...v took him bk 2 d hospital past our coll..motta got damaged 2...'n i had 2 ride barebodied in d damn cold...(i shiver wen i thnk of it even nw..:0 ) d crash ws really horrible..both jasa's n motta's helmet wer damaged big time.. i'm still thankful 2 god for havin saved these 2 loafers..while they wer gettin patched up.. rammy, siva n i dozed off in d hospital lobby...(as seen in d picture below...some clown thot it funny 'n clicked us..lolz..many did say it ws funny after dat.. :-( )

after dat... v all wnt bk 2 d college hostel..helped these guys get settled..rammy n i came bk 2 d city while d rest stayed bk..on d way bk..rammy 'n i dozed like buffaloes.. wen v couldn control our sleep beyond a certain pt..v stopped at a roadside shop..'n i had breakfast der...while rammy had some tea..n started on our way.. 'n dat ws d end of d fateful road trip.. v still get together n laff thinkin abt all d things dat happened dat nite..

The Miracle Did Happen...Thanks to the Lord

2007-10-04T00:51:00.000+05:30

Dismal..downcast..still..by the grace of God, we all managed to pull through.. The Paradigm was a grand success..With a crowd of approximately 4000, I feel proud to have been part of one of the grandest events in the history of my college. Thanks to TVS who sponsored an Apache RTR 160 just 4 days before the event, a 20k check from my junior, and a 10k check frm my classmate, and another of classmate's dad who agreed to sponsor the food for the whole event, all these just 3 to 4 days before the event, we got through big time..

It was a mixture of fun, frolic, fights and technical events.. lolz..the comical thing is tat the whole team never got together to have a single photograph.. I feel sad about it.. bt nothing can be done about it right nw.. I'm very thankful and grateful to the team for being a part of this. There are no words to thank them, just a grateful heart.

Am I A Bad Guy? - A Look In The Mirror

2007-09-09T20:37:00.000+05:30

I recently came to know that a lot of people think that I'm a bad guy, with no trace of conscience in me, whatsoever. Initially, I did not know how to react to this. Because there are a lot of people who feel that I'm one of the best people they have ever come across. Who is right and who is wrong? Personally, I feel that the main drawback in my character is my laziness. I've kept nothing from my friends and have held them up as much as I can. I think the difference in opinion is mainly because the people around me know the reasons for my actions while the others know only what they see.

Desperation

2007-09-09T19:40:00.000+05:30

I've been in a lot of tight spots in my life. But this beats them all. After all the trouble that my friends and I went thorough, after all the relationships that were formed and broken, after all the fear, after all the laughs, after all the doubts, we're still here. But I doubt whether it is going to last long. It seems like my world is falling apart. Everything seems so hard. A lot of broken promises and empty words have filled my life for the past month. Through it all, a few people have stood by my side and kept egging me on with their constant encouragement. Treachery and backbiting have taken away more than a part of me away. Sometimes, I don't mind it at all, but other times, I feel empty, filled with nothingness. When I was about to fall, hands that I never expected to reach out, held me up. They lifted me, set me straight and gave me a chance to walk with my head held high. I'm thankful to God for such wonderful people in my life.

My dad used to tell me not to trust anyone. Coming from someone who had made the most of his college life, ragging even his seniors, I should have taken it seriously. But typical youthful exuberance prevented me from doing it. My world was ideal. It had very few bad people in it. Everyone was faithful, loyal and trustworthy. I used to think that I was strong, until the day it all went wrong. I never could have seen this far. I never could have seen this coming. Everything started happening in a mirrored sort of way. One of my favorite sayings is: "Wise men learn from others' mistakes. Fools fail to learn even from their own mistakes." I'm neither a wise man nor a fool. I've made my mistakes and I've learnt from them. My rebellious nature still prevents me from agreeing with my father. I feel that the correct statement is: "Don't trust 'everyone'". There are people you can trust, people you can believe, and people who'd give their life for you. And it is because of such friends that I have pulled through one of the worst situations of my life.

I feel sad because after all the things that these people have done for me, I've let them down. I am now unable to do what I initially set out to do. It all seemed so easy with so many people promising that they would help me out. What I set out to do could not be accomplished alone. It could be done only with the contacts of the locals here. Sadly, what happened before is happening all over again. In a perfect world, this could never happen. I've given it my best shot. I've run the race with all my strength and stamina. I've sacrificed more than what the people around me know. I've begged, requested and demanded from all I know. But grandiose words were followed by empty hands. The situation seems hopeless. There are some things in life that are as certain as death and this seems to be one of them. I don't what I should do now. I don't know where I should go. It makes no sense. I could just run away from it all. It seems so easy to leave everything and go away. But that is not the way I was brought up, and that is not the way I've lived my life. I will stand till the end, even if it means disgrace and humiliation. I will work my heart out, till my body cannot go on anymore and only my mind works. I will still extract all I can from my mind, drawing from my wide experience till my mind goes numb. Even then, I'll not fade away. I'll still be there and see it through to the end till all that can be done is done and there is nothing more left to do.

A miracle from above is the only lifeline left...

My goal is clear

2007-07-10T15:03:00.001+05:30

Today ws a hectic day.. Frm gettin up early in d morning 2 givin my room mate's clothes 2 my frnd b4 d college bus left so dat he cld wear somethin decent 4 placements..2 havin an hr lng discussion wit another of my frnds abt d controversies surroundin placements...i wnt 2 hav my first meal at arnd 2 in d noon. After eatin, I ws standin at my usual place smokin my after-meal Insignia..A prtty small girl came up 2 me n held out her hand..dat kid ws quite young..arnd 6 r 7..i ws shocked outta my wits..wtf is happenin arnd here..nywys..i had 2 rs left..i dug em out frm my pocket 'n gave it 2 her...d kid tottered awy and resumed her "begging". i thot dat dis girlie surely must nt b on her own and der mst b some motherfucker who sorta cntrls her...sure enof.. after a bit of lookin arnd...i saw a woman sittin undr a tree...and omg....der wer 3 to 4 kids "reportin" 2 her at regular intervals..dammmit..my 1st instinct ws 2 go 2 dat bitch 'n give her a piece of my mind..bt my 2nd thot ws..wat if these kids were liberated rite nw...wer wud dey go?? who'd take care of em..wat if their new env is worse dan d present...

My dream has alwys been 2 earn big...real big..wenever i feel dis way...d nxt question dat i ask myself..wtf am i gonna do wit all dis money? i answer myself dat i'll set up research foundations and help out buddin researchers 'n stuff..bt..after 2day...i knw i've found a better use 4 my dream money..and i've made a resolution..whether i strike it rich r nt.. as soon as i can stnd on my own legs...i knw wat i must do nw...i wanna set up a children's foundation...yup..der r a zillion of em arnd...bt..i wanna do it wit a diff....n even if it brngs me 2 d streets..i wanna give these kids a home...all such kids a home..i knw dat wat i'm sayin mite sound like shit r overhyped trash 2 a lotta ppl out der..bt everythin mst hav a beginnin...'n dis s wer my dream begins..i wnt these children 2 go 2 a normal skool.. nt some shitty local gvt skool r some special skool 4 orphans..dey're d worst ever.. i wnt dem 2 hav a normal life..its true dese kids will never knw deir parents..bt life s tuff..n u gotta make d most of wat u hav..and i'm goin 2 give dese kids a chance... 2 get bk on track.. 2 hold their heads high....2 never bow down...2 never give up..

As I finished my smoke nd walked home, 1 of d kids on his rounds ws askin somethin as ppl passed by him...n as every1 ignored him.. i thot he ws askin alms..wen i crossed him...he stopped me 'n asked d name of d movie runnin in d theater opposite wher v wer standin... My heart skipped a beat..dis boy ws arnd 10 yrs old...wit grey eyes.. wen he shld hav been playin wit other kids his age..wen he shld hav been runnin in2 his mother's arms...huggin her..playfully fightin wit his dad..dis ws wat he ws doin..fuk..Ironically, d movie's name ws "Youth", an old Vijay movie.. I tld him...'n he smiled nd walked awy...s..at times like dis..ur brain stops workin..i couldn even bring myself 2 talk a kind wrd r two 2 d boy..mayb i coulda asked wat brot him 2 dis stae.. bt dat din happen..rather...i din let dat happen.nywys..dats past redemption nw..bt..dis incident will b my inspiration till d end..

My path may be foggy...But my goal is clear..

Elegy on the death of my grandmother

2007-05-19T21:35:00.001+05:30

Its hard to comprehend
These rules that never bend
The rules of separation
The rules of death....

Not a single soul is spared
Not a single life is safe
All laid naked 'n bare
Upon that final cradle

When you become a child again
And forget all the pain
And go back to the land above
To where you came from..

A thousand deaths happen a day
All goin' through that darkened way
But the sorrow that surrounds yours
Just won't go away

The strength of my youth
Is passin' by
The ones that were with me
Have fallen behind

I'm still waitin bidin my time
Unsure, unaware of when I'll come
Come up there to be with you
And then...we can be together...forever

Looking back... The Album [ Part 1 ]

2007-05-18T23:47:00.001+05:30

My second school, Carmel.. The place where we used to eat our lunch

The Chemistry Lab.. I was never good at any lab other than the Computer Lab

The place where I saw, touched and worked on computers the first in my life.. Sniff..
I started a bit late(6th standard), but I believe I've done quite well from then on..

The fountain I used to watch eagerly every time it spurted water

Little kids..Used 2 mind em wen I ws in my 8th n 9th standards

The Biology Lab.. Good place to see a lotta weird things..Had quite a lotta fun der..

Golden Days

2007-05-18T23:42:00.000+05:30

I want those golden days back
The ones that are gone
The love I once shared
The people who cared..

I'm starved of love And I desperately want it
I could use some caring and affection
I need it..

Its time to say goodbye
I know its hard to say it now..
But time is flyin by...
And we gotta go our ways right now

Many times I turned away
You gently shook me, brought me back the right way
Hand in hand, these years we've made
No, these moments never will fade

The moments we laughed together
The pranks that we played together
The days we roamed..The things we broke
All of them.. are gone now

But you 'n I, we're still here..
You 'n I, we're still here...
(Standin tall amidst the dust and the ruins)

You 'n I, we're still here...
You 'n I, we're still here...
(Standin strong by the faith that is in us)

And now...we must go..
And now...we must go..
Go our ways...
Go our ways...
Go our ways...

Looking back... [ Chapter 1 ]

2007-05-10T17:04:00.000+05:30

Its been a while since my last post. I seem to have grown tired of blogging.. :D ...Well...anyway.. I was in a sorta lookback mood and I decided to get online and blog..

( I believe this is gonna b one very big post...)

The only part of my very early childhood that I remember on my own (without anyone else tellin me abt it) is my first day at school. My dad and one of his best friends took me to school. I was crying like anything and my nose was running like a river from all that crying. Its amazing, the effect of time on your memory. Some events remain firmly etched through all these years, and some just fade away. The other incident that I remember is having fun with some of my best friends then, and who are still now. Running around when we were all supposed to sleep, trampling others who were sleepin like babies(of course, we were babies back then), I believe a person's childhood is the best part of his life. No cares, no worries, no fears.. Another thing that just came to my mind, is people commenting on my mastery of English..(sadly, that has deteriorated unbelievably now.. :( ). My parents used to scold me because I was never consistent in getting the first rank. Lolz...now they feel happy if I get double digits in my internals..

I used to be a very sick child back then, the reason being my mother went to Madras to pursue her higher studies, and I was breastfed for only two to three months, I think. That had a profound effect on my body in the following years. I used to have very bad attacks of cold and wheezing. My parents used to carry me in their arms and run to our family doctor's house, often in the middle of the night, and that gem of a man was kind enough to treat me. I think my parents often wondered whether I'd actually survive. During the holidays, I stayed at my grandparents' house at Ambattur. Here, both my grandparents would be off to work and I'd be in the care of the maid. I remember a particular incident when I was hungry and the maid gave a guava. I was sick for a week then..with continuous wheezing and cough. From what my parents and grandparents told me later, I came to know that that maid was downright mad deliberately giving me all that I was not supposed to eat...laughing when I came down with wheezing. They sacked her in a few weeks.

I still remember my class teachers..

Mrs. Chitrakala - L.K.G
Mrs. Roseline D'Souza - U.K.G
Mrs. Rita - I std
Mrs. Amutha - II std
Mrs Prema - III std
Mrs. Elutharasi - IV std
Mrs. Malathi - V std
Mrs. Bindu - VI std
Mrs. Leema - VIII std
Mrs. Janet - IX std
Mr. Senthil Kumar - X std
Mr. Premaseelan - XI std
Mr. Premaseelan - XII std

I'm getting nostalgic thinking about the old days..

My father used to pick me up after school on his way back from college. I had a very bad stomach back then..(my friends would say I've got an even worse one now.. :P ) and till my second standard, I remember standing bare butt in the evenings, with my shorts slung over my shoulders, after my arduous trial in the toilets. My father would make me put them on and take me back home.

I searched for a picture of my first school, but I wasn't able to find it. I studied till my fifth standard at Kalaimagal Kalvi Nilayam, Erode. It was a school for girls, but thankfully we boys were allowed to do our schooling there, till our fifth standards.

Yeah, Dude!! Sollunga anne!! Shit, man!! Otha!!

2007-03-21T22:41:00.000+05:30

Linkin Park Lyrics

This is something that I've been wanting to write about for a long time. The comic things that I see at my usual hang-outs:

Tea Shop opp. Liberty Theatre : The shop's most regular customer. One of the very few places where they sell Wills Insignia in retail. I watch a lot of local activity taking place here. People speaking on phones.. workers drinkin a cup of tea b4 leavin 4 work...everythin's so natural here that i feel rite at home.. there r a few guys who put a bit of scene...like talkin really loud about how they clinched some big deal and stuff like dat..otherwise..everythin's so good here..

Star Rock : A regular hang-out for my roommates and myself.. d dj's quite good sometimes.. u can see a lottta fun stuff takin place here...guys come here 'n move around like dey wer born in america.. d way dey talk..behave..lolz...we hav a good time laffin at these fools.. dey move their bodies in tune to heavy metal songs..lolz.. movin 'n shakin deir torsos jus like the guys in d metal bands do....

Mocha : You see gangs hanging out here...guys and gals... Each gang gets a hookah and puffs away like dragons... and the expression on their faces after each puff.... rotfl..a million dollars cant buy you the chance to c dat..omg..lolz.. they feel like they're smokin dope and are off far and away in some ethiopia... ha ha ha....

Sathyam : This is by far the best place..you get to see d most comical incidents here... you gotta go to english films 2 get 2 c em all... Most of d ppl (I aint talkin abt every1) who come to c english films r quite well dressed and put on a show of pomposity and high society.(god alone knows d ugly truth)..and in scenes when d hero does somethin good...r durin some visually comical scenes.. der r roars of laughter..shouts of "whoo"...'yeah"..."yeah man.."..."go dude""..."rock buddy"..."great going.."... the funniest thing is..when d actors are cracking puns and jokes (audible ones..that is..) i c very very few reactions and responses...and these r d ppl who're actually understanding every word dats being spoken.. d ones who go wild..lolz..dey jus sit starin at d screens..as tho nothin had happened.. looks like 4 indian audiences..you gotta hav a status bar at d bottom..flashin wenever der's a joke..oh..alll d hypocritic shit arnd us... sigh....

More Strange Observations

2007-03-11T15:53:00.000+05:30

Instincts 2k7(My college culturals) just got over. We had a lotttttttta fun. But things got rough in the end. The last day could not be enjoyed. There was a fight with the seniors. My view is that this was quite unnecessary and things could have been solved if my friends had been a bit level-headed. I dont blame anyone, but a few guys could have kept their heads. Anyway, the whole lot of us missed the most awaited last part of the third day negotiating and averting a big fight. What will happen now, I dont know. But I guess I gotta stand by my friends no matter what happens. I made a few observations during the last week...Here we go...

If you shout like shit, you squeak like a mouse for the next two days. (Thats what happened to me ;) )
There are two kinds of drinkers : people who drink loads and pretend they never drank, people who have one or two cuttings and pretend they drank loads.
In a fight, the ones who try to stop the fighting get hit more than those who actually fight. (Thats what happened to me. I was in the middle of the two fighting sides pushing them both away, and a lotta loose blows fell on me)
Children of rich or powerful men are of two kinds : those who dont want to be in the shadow of their parents' limelight, and those real dumb shitheads who're nothing on their own, but use their parents' position to show off and taunt others. (My friend got into trouble with a motherfucker, a crybaby, a real dumbhead who said his father's some bigshot police officer and threw tantrums like a kid.)
Your bike's petrol always run out when you're farthest from the gas station. (I pushed my Godzilla for one and a half kilometres today)
If there's a function in your college, your bike's bound to bite the dust atleast two times. (My Apache got screwed twice by my friends, and my friend's Pulsar got screwed thrice)
A plastic chair cant bear more than 100 kg or more than one person. ( Many chairs were broken coz two or more guys stood on them)
The latest, most favourite swear word of girls is "shit". (That was what they said when a few guys on bikes cut them off)
If girls say you're a guy with a bad character, you fall into one of the following sinful categories : ( :P~ )

*) you have fun

*) you're carefree

*) you're too busy to talk to them

*) you dance offstage

*) you play truth or dare

*) you dont show off

*) you dont "act" like you're polished

*) you dont "act" like a good guy

*) you wear t-shirts and jeans

*) you really help others (Now they feel that you're unnecessarily showing off)

*) you smoke

*) you drink

*) you dont come to class

*) you hit someone for calling you a thief

Behaving nicely to people will earn you a lot of friends
Dancing is just lifting your legs and throwing your hands up and down.

Strange observations

2007-01-18T21:10:00.000+05:30

1) Really good questions have no answers..they just lead to more questions
2) An increasing number of men try to imitate women(zippas..long hair..waxing) and an increasing number of women try to imitate men (short hair..jeans..t-shirts.)(maybe we got the whole thing wrong in the beginning ;-) )
3) Wisdom doesn't bring enlightenment..It just makes you disgusted with life
4) Every man is impressed by stuff from other countries rather than his own
5) Power just means that everyone below you is going out of his way to pull you down
6) The public is always right, only if always means never
7) The public has a memory worse than a leaking sieve
8) Distinguished and learned reporters and journalists ask actors (most of whom don't even know how many letters are there in the alphabet) their take on international events and matters of national importance
9) The more people you get to know, the lonelier you feel
10) The existence of a world without force is impossible

Greatness and beyond

2006-12-26T17:28:00.000+05:30

Today d world has shrunk so much dat any1 in d whole wide world can read dis blog frm anywhere. And with this vast increase in communication, people r exposed to a lot more things that few people in previous generations would have even dreamed of. So..what does this all mean? What r d implications? D most common answer would b..increase in knowledge...globalization... etc... In the olden golden days, people had few options to choose from, fewer things to be aware of. In fact, they had only little of what we have today, except free time maybe ( ;-) ) Now..whatever you take, there r so many things 2 choose frm..so many options....The hidden implication is that it has created a hell lotta desires and goals for us. And television and mass media take it beyond a level 2 project images of heroes 'n similar sorta assholes..

(http://casualkid-outburst.blogspot.com/2006/10/illusions.html --> chk it out)

With so many options around, it does become a little confusing as to wat 2 select 'n wat 2 become.. And as in the "Illusions" post, common man becomes so involved in illusions dat reality takes a big fucking break. I know that there is this latest bullshit fad about dreaming a lot. I believe even our president said something about dreaming a lot and dreaming big. But..hey...lets take a timeout here.. all dis fad stuff has encouraged ppl 2 bcom fucking daydreamers...idealists....in short.. ppl r bein fed crap...

I feel dat d real road 2 greatness is d ability 2 distinguish between 2 basic human tendencies : "desire" and "action". Every single person dat walks on d face of dis earth...desires..s..every single person...der's some saying dat goes --> "Desire is d root of all evil"....Now dat's total bullcrap..'coz without desire...we arent wat v r...and even if we want 2 eliminate desire, in order 2 b free frm all fuckin evil...thnk abt it.. dat in itself is a desire...'n hence it must b evil... So dat saying...is nothing but a stupid contradiction 2 itself 'n an anachronism. So.....everyone has desires..wats d big deal abt it???

All desires don get played out..In fact...the only desires (4get smalltime shitty desires) dat get played out r those of d ppl who dare 2 act 2wards achievin them.. idealists 'n romantics do not have a place in this world..dey're better suited 2 ritin novels 'n story books...Reality is quite hard 'n practical issues MUST b considered wen u wnt 2 succeed in life... d road 2 greatness is not built 4 u by someone else..maybe...ppl help u get der..bt wen it comes down 2 wat it is..its u who does all d hard work..rather..its u who HAS TO DO all d hard work...Never ever depend on luck.. Perfection is a tuff goal 2 achieve...but it is a worthwhile pursuit, nevertheless..

There r so many assholes out there who say..."Oooooooooohh....I want 2 b like him...I want 2 b like her..."..And d way these mindless minions imitate others is damn irritatin..and sad at d same time..Its ur unique personality dat sets u aside frm d others..K..drawin inspiration frm others is quite good..but imitation is fuckin pathetic..

D main difference between d ordinary 'n d supposedly grt is their approach 2 d "desire-action" pair. Where common man is content 2 dream 'n desire stuff...d great take it further..act 2 fulfill their desires 'n dat goes a long long way...The will 2 act..no matter how grt d odds r against u.. d resolve 2 stand strong 'n never lie down even after a fall..dat is grtness...dats wat sets u apart frm common ppl..and few ppl make it dat far....

Babies 'n Kids...ooooh...U just cant luv em enuf

2006-12-03T22:46:00.000+05:30

U ever noticed.....a tense situation..everyone's got dat grim look on their faces....d whole atmosphere is like somethin's gonna burst...And suddenly from outta nowhere...a kid r baby pops out 'n does somethin funny..'n d whole room explodes into laughter..r at d very least...those grim faces brk out in2 grins.. yeah..kids 'n babies..u never can hav enuf of them ;-) nor can ya luv them enuf.. jus imagine wat joy ya get wen u cuddle a lil baby.. r ruffle d hair of a kid..nw..dats some kinda joy..'n speakin 2 these wonders of nature..u could jus go on 'n on 'n on.. yeah..u can also hear these kids speak forever.. jus like d babble of a cute little brook....(damn..i'm gettin poetic..:-D) nywys..

wats it dat makes babies so damn adorable..tension relievin ...'n all such stuff?? (Y d fuk do i need 2 analyze every single fuckin thing dat takes place arnd me?? damn..nywy..i got started..so..here v go.....) hmmmmmmm.............lemme c...........hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........jus abt everyone likes babies.. so it must b somethin deep inside us dats makin us smile 'n grin...coz if it were somethin v acquired durin our process of growin up... d distribution wouldn b so great.. d answer most probably is.. v relate 2 our own childhood 'n subconsciously try 2 picture ourselves in d place of these kids and start becomin all quaint 'n cuddly.... these bring back hidden memories u thought that were lost down that long lane of time...(damn..i'm gettin kinda poetic yet again..) me feelin 2 lite headed 2 go on..

The bottom line is : we all love babies 'n kids. Y? coz v try 2 put ourselves in their places and shower affection upon them.. (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn..me goin off 2 sleep)

Watchful eyes..Sensitive Noses..Well..Fuck them..Helping hands would've been better

2006-11-22T03:49:00.000+05:30

I was returning to my room alone after an unsuccessful trip with one of my best friends to a bike company's main office (the motherfuckin bastards didn yet see it fit 2 give me d friggin bike i won..nywy..rite now at d time of dis ritin..my gramps pushed arnd his weight a bit 'n got thngs done..gonna get it 2morrw..yippee) by bus. The bus was crowded as usual. I was a bit angry with the way things had turned out that day and thinking about a million ways to torture those shitheads when........A boy about my age..he was standing in front of me...started vomitting...he suddenly fell to the floor..
And by God..not a single heartless shit eating trash talking crap filled worthless asshole came to his aid.. As I bent down by his side, took him by the hand and held his head up from the vomit on which it was resting, I looked around and got damn angry. Not even the women had a kind word for him. In fact those whores got up from the seats, covered their noses with their sarees and moved away..(well..fuk u..u whores with rotten hair ridden cunts...his vomit probably smells better than ur 100 foot ass and a lot better than ur shit filled hearts.) And on top of all this, one guy started scoldin the poor boy. Well..I just pulled back my sleeves..flexed my muscles a bit..(idhellam kanduka koodadhu..its all in d game) stared at him and said.."Dai..otha..un velaya paaru da pottai.. vandhu kai koduka vakkila..perusa pesa vandhutan..un ditcha mooditu po"..lmao..Its kinda funny when I think of it now..He just backed off. The bitches.."Thambi...move him away from here..move him away from here...hold his hand..hold his head.."..hold his cock!! fuk u bitches... y don ya stop farting like hell and come gimme a hand..Anyway..I told one guy in the nearby seat to get up.
Thank God..he immediately obliged.. I made the boy sit there and asked him what his problem was. He told me that he'd gone to work pretty early in the morning and hadn't eaten since then. He told me that he was fine and he'd grab a meal as soon as he got home. His stop came.. I asked him if he needed any money or whether I should get down along with him and take him home.. He graciously refused and said he'd do ok. He got up and just stumbled along..Hope he made it home..

What's the whole damn world comin to??? X-(

Show off or else....

2006-05-04T22:42:00.000+05:30

I've been noticin somethin for as long as I remember...
Its ppl showin off..lol...I remember d times i used 2 laff wen some asshole showed off like he/she ws d king/queen of d world..(I still do..) I've always felt dat if u hav d stuff....u're gonna get noticed someday...der's no need 2 fuckin show off...flaunt wat little shit u got like its some long lost Spanish treasure...awww..come on..a very important thing dat i learnt early on..(i'm glad i got 2 know it so early in my life) No matter how friggin good u r at somethin....there's always someone better...'n even if someone isnt rite now..someone's bound 2 b in d future..damn..dis mouse is killin me..my wireless is outta batteries 'n d usb one's makin me go nuts..nywy..So all ur glory, if any, is short-lived...nothin good is gonna happen by showin off..so..its better 2 sit tight..shut ur mouth..'n let ur actions spk 4 demselves..

hmmm...atleast dis ws my view until pretty recently...i noticed dat beyond a certain level..u gotta show off...u gotta fuckin show off...Wen der's so much competition..it takes a lotta time 2 bubble up thru d rest of d crowd 'n go places...i've seen lamers go places jus bcoz dey show off like a belly dancer..few of dem really stay at d top..d rest r pushed down 'n crushed 4 their deception..k..dis is wat normally happens..bt..der's another way of lookin at it..k..suppose u really got some stuff 'n u can backup all ur showin off by ur actions..y stay put 'n wait 4 ur day in d sun..get movin..still i wouldn advise showin off all d time...think..show off wen really necessary 'n at essential places....hey..der's no point in showin off 2 frnds..dats stupid 'n downrite cheap..showin off can really boost ur chances if done at d rite time..

Usually, ppl don mind showoffs 'n don giv a damn about dem...but lately..all dats changin...its d ppl who spk out(show off) dat get d first chances...so...u gotta learn 2 adapt 2 d changin times...d more u learn to adapt...d higher u get...

The Song of Life

2006-02-20T12:56:00.000+05:30

I woke up one morn, I knew it was time
For the greatest rhyme ever to be born
The sun shone down bright as I left the last stair
The cool fresh air, dispelling the tiredness of the night.
I could feel the thoughts and emotions bubbling inside me,
Trying to break free of the binding old notions.
As I gathered my thoughts together, I was surprised
To see them all sliced down to pieces of worthless feathers,
Nothing but a slow trickle, nothing but a big blank space,
A sad frown on my face, and an accentuated wrinkle.
I've had, not one, not two, but many a fall.
Somehow, I stand up, stand tall, I get through.
But this one was different....
Just when I was about to step up to the peak
Things seemed bleak, I felt the ground under me melt.
The hope of a better tomorrow, a brief moment of bliss,
All turned into an endless fall into the abyss of despair and sorrow.
I stepped out to enjoy the moon, the day had passed.
Sadly, no thoughts had I amassed. Over me, I felt failure loom.
As I looked around, I saw the old men walk by,
Their wells of wisdom never dry. I heard their smiles sound
As soft whispers in my ear, "We know of your quest.
We know you've tried your best. Keep trying, my dear".
As I watched the old men's backs fade away in the distance
The last one threw me a glance as the wind covered his tracks.
Slowly, I realized that my quest had come to an end
All along, the answer had lain around the bend, the one I'd just crossed.
It dawned upon me that the greatest song is the song of life,
Through my troubles and through my strife, I'd been living it all along.
Each day I wrote my part, not me alone, but every human
Under the glowing sun, each his verse, till the end from the start.
I laid myself down to sleep, the weight of nothing
Upon me, no stings, no wounds, only the truth burned deep.

The power of the human spirit

2006-02-13T03:56:00.000+05:30

Just when all seems lost.... just wen there is no turning back.... there slowly starts a spark in the inner depths of the heart... slowly but surely it gathers momentum and power and it lashes out like a howling hurricane overcoming all sorrow, despair, hopelessness and tiredness with a wave of new strength and vigour.... I wonder at the countless number of times people have been pushed into dead ends and corners, and wonder even more at the number of times they make their way out of such dead ends... I'm not completely aware of wat makes ordinary people rise up to such occassions and perform in ways they themselves would have never thot possible... But wit d limited knowledge tat i hav, i'd say there lies the untapped and ununderstood power of the human spirit beneath all such activities... but wat is the human spirit?? does it exist??? the answer to the former question is kinda foggy.. but to the latter... i'd say certainly yes.... if we had no such spirit, we wouldn be wat v r 2day.... irrespective of wat various scientists 'n famous psychologists say... i firmly believe dat its that unrecognised spirit within us dat guides in adverse situations... giving us the power to overcome them... stressing our cells to new horizons... extending the limits of our endurance farther and farther.....

Then again....wat guides the spirit????????

Friendship.....Company....R they da same or wat????

2006-01-22T14:37:00.000+05:30

I used 2 think dat friendship 'n company were d one 'n da same..... Atleast... dat's d way things used 2 b.... i hung out with my friends... 'n had all da fun 'n frolic my heart yearned 4...... My friends were my company.... 'n my company was my grp of frnds... but lately... i beg 2 differ..... i've begun 2 realise dat frndship isnt just hanging out 2gether... enjoyin 'n whilin away time.... i mean... frndship isnt just company.... there's more 2 frndship than dat.... lots more 'n company is just one of da optional components..... Frndship is da union of 2 hearts..... u know u're there 4 each other.... u need not meet each other daily... u need not talk 2 each other daily.... but during every occasion, good or bad.. u know ur friend is there 2 keep ya company... either 2 congratulate ya or console ya.... in d same way... people who're good company needn't necessarily b frnds.... both r entirely different things.... company just helps ya pass d current moment.. keepin ur thots happy 'n smiling.......... a person who's good company may not b ur frnd 'n vice versa.... there're very few all-in-one packages around...( frnds & good company ) 'n such people r hard 2 find..... i'm glad i got a few of those.... but.....da rest..... i've learned 2 diff between d two 'n it has helped me get on with my life without worryin abt every single thing

The battle for the mind??!!??

2006-01-21T14:47:00.000+05:30

I've always admired d mind.. it has fascinated me 'n it still awes how it defies understanding 'n is beyond contemporary logic... i've always felt d mind bein controlled by 2 forces....d good 'n d bad..each vying 4 control over dis wunnerful instrument......which might change d world..... well..it has changed d world so much till now....the dark side.....d bright side.... d conflict between d 2 sides can never b resolved 4 d good side represents d ideals 'n beliefs dat we've come 2 have over allllll these millenia of existence 'n d bad side represents d part of d animal dat's still left in us....even tho v try our best 2 act like v're friggin civilized..... wen a beggar comes up 2 ya 'n asks ya alms..... tell 'im 2 fuck off....tell him 2 fuck off....tell him to fuck off....... wen u see some1 fall down...... laugh like hell..... make fun...... dont give a damn..... wen someon1 offends ya..... beat the shit outta him..... trash d bastard.... destroy him...... but there're better ways 2 handle things..... give d poor fellow some alms 'n feel happy as ya watch d thankful smile on his face...... lift him up 'n bask in d warmth of a grateful 'thank u'...... 4give d sucker 'n maybe get a new frnd........ so, lettin ur good side do d work results in happiness, love and all such stuff... but lettin ur good side take complete control can b quite borin.... imagine urself in an absolutely borin class.... ur good side tells ya 2 shut d fuck up 'n listen...ur bad side tells ya to disturb someone, d cls, do anythin 2 shake off d boredom..... durin moments like ths, i feel its ok 2 let the wilder side take control (i usually let it ;) ) 'n have real good fun.... The trick is 2 never let one side take complete control all d time...alternatin between d good 'n d bad as 'n when necessary.....d decision is alwys urs....decidin 2 which side 2 reliquish control 2.... i guess ths is better compared 2 u bein d judge.... both sides presenting d arguments 'n u finally decide wat's right.. Tho i'd advise lettin ur good side be in control 4 most of d time..... it's not wrong 2 let ur wilder side lead ya into some fun....as long no one takes any real damage frm wat u do..... AFter all.. u got only one life...one chance.... u cant live it again... ;)

The beginning of the beginning.......

2006-01-19T13:40:00.000+05:30

I never thot i'd b a blogger..... but...oh well....times change....people change.... bt never thot i'd change.... nywy... guess i did...... there're times wen u feel da need 2 xpress urself... freely..... with absolutely no hindrance 2 ur flow of thots... A diary ain't good.... its fuckin tiresome takin a stupid pen...writin it all down....only 2 lose it sometime... naw....an online diary aint much good either........ there're so many of these bastardly virii around tat ya never know wen u're gonna get hit.... Shit..... my system jus crashed 2 days ago... 'n I'm writin this in Linux.. listenin to Savage Garden..... :/ aww...well....... ws jus readin a book.."Introduction to Logic".... all this stuff abt premises, conclusions, arguments.... o god.. this really blows my mind.. but i still gotta read it....like this sorta stuff... so after goin' thru all these premises conclusions...arguments....i've decided 2 finally blog... somewhere wat u say....wat u feel...wat u write sittin in a corner of da world....is preserved 4 posterity......lol...jus kiddin....